Home | Meet Robin | Couch Trip Sessions | Help Center | Contacts
http://www.nypost.com/seven/08132007/jobs/derailed_divorces__jobs_mackenzie_dawson.htm
DERAILED DIVORCEES!
GETTING YOUR CAREER BACK ON TRACK AFTER YOUR MARRIAGE ENDS
By MACKENZIE DAWSON
August 13, 2007-- ROBIN Blakely was a freelance writer and mother of two when her marriage of 12 years ended in 1995. Trying to cope, she suddenly found herself “with two chronically ill children, half of an oatmeal-colored sectional couch, and a trusty IBM that wasn’t yet running Windows 98.”
She could have given up right then and
there. And who would have blamed her?
Divorce is one of the hardest things anyone can go through, emotionally,
physically and financially. Many women take time off from their jobs to
raise children - or opt out of professional life altogether - when they
are married. When they go through a divorce, the prospect of having to
suddenly start over and support themselves can be terrifying.
Blakely seized it as an opportunity. The
writer and erstwhile radio talk-show producer decided it was time to
ratchet things up a notch and start her own PR business. Her experience:
research, writing and “persuading people to do things,” she notes wryly.
And persuade people she did.
“To get started, I bartered with an award-winning graphic designer, a novel-writing AP wire reporter, a radio talk-show host and a fiction author to teach me what I didn’t already know about handling the media. They mentored me while I managed their creative careers,” says Blakely. “It seems like inspired madness when I look back on it, but they all agreed.”
It took hard work, effort and a lot of hope, but she made things happen. “When I got my first paying client, there was less than $75 left in my checking account,” she says with a laugh.
Thousands of divorced women are in the same boat, wondering how to get back on the career track while earning enough to support their families.
“Nearly every week I hear from divorced women who must now generate an income after not working for many years,” says Tory Johnson, CEO of the staffing services firm Women for Hire. “Many are terrified about not having the professional skills, industry knowledge or networking contacts to get hired.”
Magda Dvir is one of those women. The Upper East Sider got divorced a year ago. During her 23 years of marriage, she worked periodically at a family business - but her main focus was providing a comfortable home for her husband and two children. Now, she’s feeling a bit lost. “My interest was my family,” says the elegant 52-year-old. “My interest was to support them and to motivate them. That was my job as a mother and a wife - and now I’m not sure what my job is supposed to be.”
Dvir has been working with Johnson to build her skills, boost her self-confidence, and come up with a professional plan of attack. Here’s some of Johnson’s advice to her - and to all women in this situation.
Make a list, check it twice.
There are five questions you need to ask as a woman about to embark on a job search after taking time out from the career track, says Johnson. She suggests sitting down with a pen and paper, and asking yourself:
1. Am I really ready to re-enter the job market and commit to working outside the home?
2. Have I kept up with the trends and issues affecting my industry?
3. Are my skills current and up to date?
4. Do I have a realistic expectation of today’s workplace?
5. Can I articulate how my time out of the workplace will benefit my future career endeavors?
“Answer these questions and bounce your resp-onses off trusted friends,” says Johnson. “The silver lining is that a looming labor shortage and low unemployment means that many employers are more willing to look at nontraditional candidates. That, coupled with several key steps in your part, could help you hear ‘You’re hired.’ ”
Get yourself up to date.
If you identified any gaps in your experience while going over the previous list, now’s the time to remedy those, perhaps by taking some catch-up courses. Johnson suggests checking in with your local unemployment office, displaced homemaker’s programs at community colleges or with other community groups for free or inexpensive courses.
“Join professional associations and women’s groups, and look at Web sites and trade journals,” she says. “This can let you in not only on what’s happening, but also who’s hiring.”
Consider your opportunities.
Flexibility tends to be a primary focus for divorced moms, and day-care costs can be high. Due to this, some divorced women end up starting their own ventures, as Blakely did.
“Often, women can’t just walk back into the situation they left, careerwise,” says Colette Frey-Bitzas, a certified financial planner. “That’s why a lot of them end up starting a home-based business, and maybe picking up a part-time job to get benefits.”
Relationship expert Stacy Kaiser suggests that starting to work after years off the career track is like starting exercise - you have to begin gradually. “This is about doing something productive that builds self-esteem. And getting work - whether it’s filing or working in retail - is about getting out of the house and doing something,” she says. “Think of this as starting a new chapter of ‘What Am I Capable Of?’ ”
Turn your past into your platform.
Don’t make apologies for your decision to stay home. Instead, be proud of the skills you’ve developed in the home that will make you a valuable employer.
“Your career has been being the CEO of family and home, requiring the very attributes an employer craves - commitment, flexibility, leadership, interpersonal communication skills, follow-through and mental toughness,” says professional coach Alan Allard, president of Genius Dynamics. “By emphasizing this, you reframe what some mistake to be a liability into an asset. Above all, lead with your attitude. Believe in yourself, and others will.”
Support yourself.
To conduct a successful job search, you need
to make sure you’re taking care of your most important asset - yourself.
“When I separated from my husband, I started to take control of the
finances, because it reduced my anxiety. It gave me a sense of control,”
says Deborah Moskovitch, author of “The Smart Divorce.” “Understand your
monthly budget, and how much you spend.” And make sure you’ve got a
strong support network in place. Kaiser says her main focus during
marriage was “making a bit of money and taking care of my kids.” When
she got divorced, she realized she needed to step up her professional
game, parlaying her therapist job into TV - she’s now appeared on
everything from “Celebrity Fit Club” to “The Tyra Banks Show.”
But when she was still trying to put the pieces back together, she knew she’d need a lot of help.
“I made a list of everything I thought I was capable of, and I rallied the support of my family and friends,” says Kaiser. “I had people I could lean on, and I helped them back. They would take my kids, and I would take theirs. And I really found out how I could feel powerful.”
Focus on face time, not online time.
“Get off the Internet and get out of the house!” says Johnson. “When you have a gap in your resume, scouring job boards and posting your resume online will not help. You have to be in the room with a recruiter to turn that missing time into something interesting and positive.” It’s your personality that’s going to help overcome the gap -and that’s not something that can be accomplished over e-mail.